


Oh, so just tell me, are you still hurtin'

by Winter_Oswin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bisexual Sirius Black, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gay Remus Lupin, Harry Potter Has Issues, Harry Potter Needs a Hug, Harry Potter is Bad at Feelings, Harry Potter is So Done, Harry Potter is a Little Shit, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Past Child Abuse, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Remus Lupin, Recovery, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Has Issues, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Vernon Dursley Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2020-11-22 05:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20869187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Oswin/pseuds/Winter_Oswin
Summary: Sirius was done, he did what he set out to do, sort of.The plan was to kill Peter. He didn't plan much beyond that, if anything. Sirius had given up on getting out of this alive a long time ago. Maybe it was loosing his friends, maybe it were the years in Azkaban. Proving his innocence didn't come to mind, maybe because a part of Sirius didn't believe that he deserved it. All he wanted was his revenge, he didn't have eyes for much more. He had forgotten that there could be more.Then he saw Harry, like a ghost of James but with Lily's eyes, somehow that changed things. It changed his plans. Seeing Harry brought back that spark of hope he had lost long ago, seeing Remus ignited it. Maybe he wasn't done, yet. Maybe there was more left to do. Maybe things could be better for all three of them.Set after Prisoner of Azkaban. It's also not canon compliant in the sense that Peter doesn't escape at the end and Sirius is proven innocent. Also, in this version the Dursley's treatment of Harry is much worse, please check out the tags.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, there will definitely be things added to the tags especially as I decide which characters will be important and where to go with this, don't worry, there will be some golden trio action, maybe Draco will be involved since I do have a soft spot for him, we'll see.
> 
> Also I doubt hate Dumbledore but he's going to be awful in this, just a heads up.

"Explain yourself!", Sirius barked, storming into Dumbledore's office unannounced. The old wizard just sat by his desk unimpressed, glancing up from a book he had been reading.

"What can I do for you, Sirius?", he asked, his voice as calm and collected as ever. There was a time in Sirius' life where he found that reassuring, now it only enraged him.

"Oh cut that bullshit, you know why I'm here.", Sirius spat before dropping the piece of parchment he received this morning in front of Dumbledore. When Dumbledore didn't even pretend to read it, Sirius got the conformation that he had something to do with it.

"The Ministry is denying my claim to custody over Harry.", Sirius stated as if Dumbledore hadn't known about this way before Sirius.

"Sirius, please sit down.", Albus said. His tone was kind but Sirius didn't trust that one bit.

"No thank you. I'm his godfather, James and Lily wanted me to raise him, he said himself that he'd rather stay with me. I don't understand what the issue is."

Of course that wasn't entirely true. Sirius could see quite clearly what the issue was. Even though he had been proven innocent, even though he wasn't treated as a criminal anymore, even though he was free to live his life however he wanted, he was still Sirius Black. For years this name sparked fear, Sirius Black, traitor, infamous death eater, the man that killed the Potters. The wizarding world wouldn't change their opinion on him over night.

But still Sirius was hopeful, for the first time in over a decade he though that maybe he could set things straight. So he sat through his seemingly endless trial, the one he never got 12 years ago. He applied for custody. He spend a week cleaning out Grimmauld Place and renewing it's safety wards. He proved to the authorities that he had a home and money and recourse to protect and care for Harry. Sirius knew that it'd be rough but he still thought that maybe there was a chance. Now he wasn't so sure anymore.

"Sirius, I'm very sorry to say that but the ministry and I personally believe that Harry is just saver with the Dursleys. "

The Dursleys... when Remus first told Sirius who Harry was staying with he thought that he was kidding. Sirius had only met Petunia a handful of times, whenever he visited the Evan's house. Vernon he only saw once at James' and Lily's wedding. Both were exceptionally unpleasant people and the worst kind of muggles. The ones that knew of magic but despised it. Those were the people that were allegedly better suited to raise Harry.

"I was proven innocent, why shouldn't he be safe with me?" Sirius didn't even try to hide his agitation and it only got worse when Albus sighed and gave him a pitying look, as if he was a child, throwing a tantrum.

"Sirius, to be quite frank with you, we are worried about your mental health.", Dumbledore then stated.

"My mental health?", Sirius repeated, the anger had left his voice, making way for confusion.

"You spend over a decade in Azkaban. That's gotta leave it's marks.", Dumbledore added and the anger was back, boiling over but this time there was a bitterness to it.

"And who put me there in the first place?!", Sirius snapped, trying to release some of the venom inside of him.

Albus leaned towards him and folded his hands, not pulling a face or reacting in any other way to his accusation. "That was very unfortunate and both I and the Ministry have apologized for this lapse of judgement. My hands were tied at the time but I'm sorry for all the suffering that caused you."

Sirius didn't buy it. Not any of it. Not after he found out who Albus decided to grant a second chance. Severus, who had a thing for the dark arts since their school days, who called muggleborns mudbloods to their faces, who was a known death eater. That's the person that got a second chance. Sirius didn't even get a trial. Not because Albus couldn't help him but because he didn't want to. This was personal. "We think that you need more time to recover.", Dumbledore finished his speech. "But maybe I can organize visits for you."

Sirius scoffed at that. This whole conversation had been a waste of time. "I'll get him, sooner or later.", he stated stubbornly, already turning back towards the fire place.

"Careful Sirius. You just got out of Prison. We wouldn't want you to get into trouble again. "

That stopped Sirius dead in his tracks. "Was that a threat?", he asked, turning his face to glare at Dumbledore who was wearing the same gentle expression as always.

"Not at all. Just a word of advice." With another scoff Sirius turned back around and stepped into the fireplace.

~

Sirius didn't quite know what to do with himself that night. That had become an issue ever since his official release from custody. In the first weeks he didn't notice it because he was so busy with his trial and after that he was fixing up the house. Now, that there wasn't anything that he had to take care of, he didn't know what to do with all his time. In Azkaban he spend his hours by being consumed by his guilt and sorrow. That was an activity he primarily reserved for the night now. His days were free, mostly. That quickly made him realize that Sirius hadn't been a person in so long that he forgot how to be one.

The whole socializing thing seemed to be his biggest issue. It's hard to keep friendships when all your friends either thought you betrayed them or are dead. There weren't a lot of people who wanted to catch up. He visited Frank and Alice once, an experience that absolutely ripped his guts out. He was never super close with them but they were order members, friends, now they were only shells, their son practically an orphan. It was Bellatrix who did it, his cousin, she ruined this family and Sirius realized that for years people thought that he had been the same.

He visited the graveyard where Lily and James were buried. He hoped to feel...something other than sorrow. In the end he just felt empty. It was merely the place were their bodies laid, their souls had moved on.

Other than that he spend most if his time picking fights with Kreatcher and trying to catch up on all the things he missed in the last 12 years. It was lonely, sure. But Sirius had been alone for long enough that it didn't matter.

Of course there was one specific person that he could've reach but to. One of the only ones he actually cared to see. Sirius couldn't quite explain why he was avoiding Remus or why Remus was avoiding him. They hadn't talked since his trial and even before that it was scarce. Aside from Harry Remus was all that Sirius had left. Aside from Harry Remus was all that Sirius cared about. Still, he couldn't move himself to send him a letter and for a while it seemed like Remus wasn't willing to make the first step either.

That is until he send an owl. Sirius recieved it the previous night. A small note in the handwriting that looked so goddamn familiar.

_Miss you. If you want to talk, come over. Remus. _

Underneath his signature he had scribbled an address. Sirius didn't reply. He didn't feel ready. But after he returned from Dumbledore's office he was feeling...still not read, but desperate. He needed to talk to someone, needed some form of comfort and without even considering that Remus might not even be home, he disapparated.

~

Remus was home, but clearly wasn't expecting Sirius.

"Hey...", Sirius said with a weak grin once he landed in Remus kitchen where the other male was currently staring at him with wide eyes. "Sorry for not giving you a heads up. I spontaneously decidedly to drop by.", Sirius explained while realizing how inappropriate this all was. He just barged in like he owned the place. Remus was clearly shocked, he probably didn't even mean the invitation seriously, he was only trying to be polite and now Siriys was making an absolute fool of himself, Remus probably still hated-

"It's all good. You only startled me a little. You want some tea?" Remus pulled Sirius out of his wildly escalating mind back to the present.

"Yeah...", he mumbled before letting himself drop into a chair. Remus wasn't kicking him out, not yet at least, good.

What followed was the longest awkward silence of Sirius' life. It was suffocating and the sound of Remus preparing the tea seemed so loud in all the quiet, almost like it was trying to accentuate their silence.

Sirius watched Remus and Remus pretended not to notice. He was thin, which he always had been but there was something gaunt about him, sickly looking. There were more scars on his face than when they used to be young, and more lines, too. His hair still had the same sandy color and was still just as wavy, his eyes just as sharp.

Sirius diverted his eyes once Remus returned to the table. He sat down one mug for Sirius and one for himself before sitting down as well. The silence remained.

"I'm not getting custody for Harry." It sort of just burst out of Sirius and he wasn't sure how Remus would react. When he glanced up he found that Remus didn't react much at all. He was only grasping his cup and nodding. "You don't seem surprised.", Sirius pointed out.

"I'm not.", Remus admitted, putting down his tea and crossing his arms. "I tried to get custody of him, too. You know? Back then, right after... everything. I got denied, too."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You did that?"

"Of course.", Remus shrugged. "You think I wanted him to end up with Lily's awful sister? Didn't matter, though. They found me insufficient in every way."

There was defeat in his voice when he said that, somehow there was something defeated in Remus in general. It was breaking Sirius' heart. "Why?", he asked, even though he could imagine their reasons. He still needed to hear them, needed to know what the Ministry knew.

Remus pulled a face, his knee started to bounce under the table, he didn't like this question, Sirius felt bad for asking it. "I'm not related, don't have enough money, or a steady job, or a good support system and then there's...the furry little problem.", Remus rattled down.

"Does the Ministry know-?", Sirius gasped but Remus shook his head.

"No. But Albus does, and his opinion on the matter was enough to deny me.", he sighed. "Why'd you get denied?", he then asked and Sirius smirked bitterly, looking down into his tea.

"They are concerned for my mental health. Dumbledore thinks that I need more time to recover. They are all fucking excuses so that he can keep his control over Harry. Now he's offering me visits, so that I'll be thankful for all that he's doing for me. As if it'd make me resent him less."

"Do you really do that? Resent him?", Remus then asked, not meeting Sirius' eye.

"Of course I do. He let me get thrown into prison without a fucking trial, no body ever asked me once what my side of things was, not him, not anyone, I'd still be in a cell if it were up to him. I think I have every right to resent him.", the words just spilled out of his mouth, vicious and poisonous, they didn't make him feel better.

"I think so, too.", Remus sighed but he still wouldn't look at Sirius. "Are you gonna take the visits, though?", he then asked, finally glancing up and Sirius could tell that Remus was keeping a straight face on purpose, that he was hiding something. There used to be a time where the two couldn't hide anything from each other. Those times were long gone.

"Yeah, I guess...", Sirius admitted with a sigh. He let his hands wander through his hair pulling slight at it. "I mean...I haven't seen him since that night, they didn't even have him attend the trial, you were there, they only had a written statement. That's the last I've heard of him, he doesn't even write back, I'm-", Sirius noticed his own rambling, noticed how he got more and more heated and held himself back. "I'm worried. I need to see him. I need to know how he is and what he thinks of me and why he isn't replying..."

Sirius didn't mean to say all of that, he didn't mean to put it on Remus, he didn't mean to put him through anything more than he already did but Sirius was just so goddamn alone and desperate and when he looked at Remus, who still wouldn't quite let Sirius in, he couldn't help it. "What's he like?", the words sounded like a plea, in a way they were. Sirius had an idea of what Harry was like but he barely knew him. Remus had been his teacher for a whole year.

A smile split on his friends lips, the first real one he saw in years. "He's great. You'll love him. He's a lot like James, in that he's very impulsive and prone to trouble and he's stupidly brave... But he has none of James' arrogance or cockiness. He's a lot like Lily, too. Loving, clever, sharp. He's got her temper.", there was something so bittersweet about the way Remus was talking about them, all three of them. Like thinking of James and Lily didn't rip his guts open. Sirius realized that that was because Remus had over a decade of time to grieve, to come to terms with their deaths, to learn to remember them for who they were. Sirius couldn't quite manage that yet.

"He's a really good kid, a bit messed up but that's not surprising...", Remus finished and Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean."

"Well, I'm not sure if it's because of his parents death or the whole Voldemort thing but he's- he's had it rough. When I was teaching him how to cast a patronus it took some time to find a happy memory that was strong enough. I feel like he didn't have a whole lot to be happy anot in his life.", Remus replied and it didn't help with Sirius' worry at all.

"I can't wait to really meet him...", he admitted. A beat of silence, this time Remus was the one to break it.

"Are you okay, padfoot?" Sirius hadn't heard that name in so long it almost made him wince. Instead he only smirked.

"Are you worrying about my mental health now, too? Moony?" Remus didn't smirk, or smile, he didn't look away either.

"Yes. No... What do you want to hear? What would make you reply honestly?"

"I'm-" Sirius hesitated. Was he fine? He wasn't sure. He didn't feel good. But that wasn't a surprise. He'd spend 12 years in a fucking nightmare, he should be more worried if he wouldn't loose sleep over it. Still, he came here because he needed someone to talk to. Remus was someone he wanted to talk to. So he talked.

"I'm struggling. But I think that's expected. I dream a lot about... so I don't sleep a lot. But I'm coping. I'll be okay eventually. It's mostly lonely." He didn't mean to say that last part. Not because it wasn't true but because he didn't want to seem like he was trying to get Remus' pity. That was truly the last thing he wanted.

"If- Sirius, you know that you can always come over, right?", Remus said and Sirius hated his stupid mouth.

"You don't need to be polite with me." It wasn't supposed to sound so bitter, it did anyways and Remus expression formed into a frown.

"I- I'm not being polite. The note wasn't me being polite!", he almost sounded insulted, which in turn confused Sirius.

"What was it then?" Remus let out a sigh and rubbed his hand over his face for a moment.

"It was me, giving in. I miss you, Sirius. I miss you a lot." Sirius' heart skipped a beat at that. He couldn't believe Remus but he still really _wanted_ to believe him. So he tried to, just for a moment.

"If that's the case...would you like to come over for dinner sometime?" Remus face brightened and it was like a weight was lifted off of Sirius.

"I'd really like that-", Remus' reply was cut short by the sound of an owl scratching against the kitchen window with it's beak. "Oh, I should get that." Remus got up to let the bird in and took the letter it delivered. "It's from Dumbledore.", he said with a frown before opening it.

"What does he want now? Does he want to keep you away from me, too?", Sirius asked, only half joking. When he saw the expression on Remus' face he quickly got serious. "What does it say?", he asked, not bothering to hide the worry in his voice.

Remus looked up at him, his eyes wide and panicked. "It's Harry. The Dursleys called. He's missing."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is child abuse implied in this so watch out for that.
> 
> Also, please tell me your thoughts on the story thus far, I love reading comments!

"He's missing? What do you mean, he's missing?", Sirius asked, getting up from his chair.

"I mean that according to the Dursleys, Harry ran away last night.", Remus replied, holding up the letter.

"Last night? Why are we only hearing about this now?" Sirius took the letter from him, skimming it over.

"Maybe the Dursleys didn't notice?", Remus suggested.

"Or they didn't care...", Sirius mumbled, saying exactly what Remus was thinking but didn't dare to say out loud. Harry never spoke in detail about his aunt and uncle but it was clear that he wasn't too fond of them. Remus never had the opportunity to ask why.

"But they think he ran away? Nobody took him?", Sirius asked as if Remus knew anything more than what was written in the letter they both read.

"According to them, he ran. Besides, with all the wards nobody should've been able to take him.", Remus replied. It was plausible, that didn't mean that he believed it. Maybe someone managed to take him, maybe Harry was in danger, maybe he was already dead- _Stop_. Remus had to focus on the facts. Harry was missing, they had to find him.

"Where would he run to? Does he have friends who live close by?", Sirius asked but Remus didn't know what to reply. He knew what Harry's life was at Hogwarts, Remus had no idea how the boy spend his summers.

"Dumbledore thinks he might come to me, that's why he wrote to me but Harry doesn't know where I live. At Hogwarts he's closes with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger but if he went to one of them Dumbledore would probably know. Beyond that... I don't know who he'd go to. Or why he would run away in the first place."

Sirius gave Remus a sharp look before lowering his eyes. "I can think of a couple reasons.", he mumbled and Remus' heart seized in his chest. Of course Sirius could, because Sirius had run away from home and he had had every reason to do so.

But that didn't mean that Harry was the same. Sirius had been invisible, surrounded by people who didn't mind his treatment or turned a blind eye towards it. Harry was one of the most prominent figures of their time, Dumbledore made it his personal mission to protect him, he'd never keep him in an abusive household. "I think you're projecting.", Remus commented.

Sirius didn't look up at him when he replied:"I hope you're right." He was still holding the letter in his hands, his thumb was rubbing over the spot where Harry's name was written.

He looked better these days, better than during the trial and definitely better than he did the night they first saw each other again. The night they caught Peter, the night the truth came to light.

It had been awful back then, looking at him. He was so meager that his grey skin practically hung from his bones. His eyes were sunken in and crazed and everything about him was filthy.

For years Remus thought that he wanted that, that he wanted to see Sirius neglected and cadaverous. He wanted to see evidence that Sirius payed for his sins, that his life was as ruined as Reums'.

But when he finally did see him, it was with the knowledge that Sirius was innocent, that he had been innocent all this time, these endless years he spend in Azkaban. Remus saw a shadow, a shell of the man who used to be his friend. The man Remus abandoned.

He looked better now, healthier, cleaner, more alive. There were still shadows under his eyes and he was still too thin, made of sharp angles and edges. But his skin wasn't as pale, his hair and clothes were clean, and he seemed less...mad, more lucid than he did back then.

Still, Remus couldn't get rid of that image. It haunted him.

"If anyone magical kidnapped him they would've used magic and the Trace would've went off. Maybe that's why they think that he ran away...", Sirius thought out loud.

"Or the kidnappers were smart enough to not use magic.", Remus suggested which finally got Sirius to look up and pull a face.

"Here I was, trying to be optimistic.", he complained and his familiar sarcastic tone shook something in Remus loose and he would've laughed if Harry's safety wasn't in danger.

"Thinking that he ran away is optimistic?", he asked instead.

"Yeah, if the alternative is that he fell in the hands of death eaters. If he ran away he'll probably show up at one of his friend's houses. What concerns me more is that he's been missing since last night, that was probably over 16 hours ago." Remus considered Sirius words. Harry was definitely the type to make such an impulsive decision but it worried him, too that nobody had heard from him in so long.

"If he just wanted to get away from home he could've just gotten a room in the Leaky Cauldron. He didn't do that, though...Why?", Remus just asked when he suddenly heard a ringing noise. Sirius' head snapped up, clearly alarmed and Remus needed a second to understand what the noise was, too. "Wait, that's my phone!", he announced, leaving the kitchen to get the phone out of the livingroom.

"You have a phone? What for?", Sirius asked confused.

"Muggle buisness.", Remus shrugged. When money was super tight he sometimes took muggle jobs, he needed a telephone for that. But he generally used it so rarely that he often forgot that he even had it. Nobody magical would use a phone, except-

"I gave Harry my number.", Remus realized. It was at the end of the school year and he didn't think much of it. _"In case it needs to be faster than an owl."_, he had said. Now he was staring at the ringing phone in his hand.

"Pick it up!", Sirius barked and Remus did.

"Lupin here, hello?", he asked, his voice unsure. A few beats of silence followed, he could hear breathing at the end of the line.

Then:"It's Harry- Can- Can you pick me up- I-I don't know where to go..." Remus' eyes widened. Harry sounded desperate, breathless, shaken, but alive.

"Harry! Where are you?! I'm coming!", Remus announced and Sirius sprung into action, already taking out his wand, ready to apparate.

"Kings Cross. I'm using one of the telephone booths. Professor?", Harry asked as Remus took out his wand, too.

"You can call me Remus.", Remus said.

"Remus... can you please not tell anyone?", his voice was meek when he asked that and Remus felt his chest tighten. _Why_?

"Okay. I'm not telling anyone. But I'll be there in a couple of minutes, okay? Just wait please."

"Yeah-", Harry replied and then the phone call ended.

~

Harry's heart was racing in his chest, pounding as he gasped for air. Adrenaline carried him previously. Carried him out of the house, into the night, down the street to wherever he was now. Now that the adrenaline was running out it all came crashing down around him.

There wasn't much thinking involved in his actions. There was Petunia and whatever bullshit she was spewing. Nothing new, really. Harry had listened to her insult everything from his looks, over his behavior right down to his parentage hundreds of times. He could probably recite her hate tirades by now.

Normally he blocked them out, normally it didn't bother him and even if it did he pushed the feelings aside but thing had changed since last summer. Since he blew up aunt Marge, since he tried to run away.

The Dudleys added that incident to the endless list of reason why Harry was deserving of every little cruelty they could come up with.

Harry let out a shuddering sigh before dropping to the edge of the sidewalk. He only ment to sit down but he found himself laying on his back instead. The pavement was still a little warm from the sun even though the sky had turned dark long ago.

Maybe it was because he hadn't eaten in so long, maybe because of the lack of sleep. It all became a little too much to handle, it had been too much to begin with but Harry was used to the weight of the bloody world on his shoulders.

Hedwig chirped in her cage, pulling Harry out of his head back into the present. He sat up to check on her which turned out to be a mistake, judging by how the world started to turn. He braced himself, pressing his hands against the ground before taking a few deep breaths, ignoring the aching feeling in his ribs. He didn't check on his injuries, no time for accessing the damage.

He needed a plan, a good one. Or fuck that, he needed a functioning plan. He could send an owl to Ron or Hermione, tell them what happened, that he was essentially homeless now, not that Private Drive had ever been anything more than a glorified prison.

Maybe he should send one to Dumbledore, he'd probably know what to do. That seemed like a good idea until harry remembered how he had begged Dumbledore to let him stay at Hogwarts after his first year. To not send him back to the Dursley's. Back then Dumbledore thought that keeping him with the Dursleys was best for him. He said the same thing this year when Harry asked if he could stay with Sirius. What if he send him back? Just thinking about it made Harry's skin crawl.

And that didn't solve his current predicament anyways. For a second he considered writing Sirius. He was his godfather and according to Dumbledore he was free now. But even though Sirius had offered Harry that he could stay with him, Sirius didn't return a single letter Harry had written him.

He had no where to go, he was injured, he was solely operating on dwindling adrenaline and he couldn't use magic outside school unless he wanted the Ministry to track him down and send him back into that godforsaken house.

Dread seeped into his heart like lead, pulling everything down, making it hard to move or to even stay awake. Or maybe it wasn't dread, maybe it was exhaustion. Harry couldn't tell the difference anymore.

He felt like he should care more about what happened next, in a way he did. The responsible part of his mind did, it sounded a bit like Hermione, telling him that he had to study for his exams. Only now she was telling him that he had to figure out a way to survive, that he couldn't just lay down and die. But it was hard to focus on her voice when a) she wasn't really there, only a part of his inner monologue, a part of his mind and b) his mind was shutting down with his body following as a close second.

Harry tried to focus on Hedwig but his vision was blurring and all of a sudden he wasn't looking at his owl anymore but at the sky. He must've laid back again. He told himself he'd figure out a plan in a minute or five but right now he just had to close his eyes and stop the world from spinning apart.

For a second he thought that he'd just stay down but Harry couldn't afford that. Instead he did the thing he did last year when he sat at this exact same spot, just as lost. He held out his wand and waited for the knight bus to come.

~

At first he wanted to go to the leaky cauldron but he'd rather avoid anyone who could report him to the ministry or Dumbledore right now. The bus had been enough of a risk already but they didn't ask a lot of questions and Harry needed all the rest he could get. He didn't feel good or okay in any way but at least he didn't feel like he'd pass out any second.

So he started to wander Muggle London instead, trying to come up with a plan. It was the middle of the night, he was all by himself, he had no idea where to go. Perfect.

In the end he made his way to kings cross and locked himself into one of the public bathrooms. The smell was disgusting but it was the least of his problems.

Harry dared to look into the mirror which wasn't a wise decision by any means. Maybe it was the LED lights but he looked gaunt, his cheeks hollow, his jaw, shoulders and collarbones too sharp. His eyebrow was split open and even though he had tried to wipe away the blood as good as possible, the bruise that was forming there would be harder to hide. He didn't bother to check his torso, he could imagine the bruises.

With a groan he let himself sink to the bathroom floor, not caring about the filth that was soiling his pants. He let his throbbing head lean against the cold tiles and finally his body gave out.

Harry didn't really sleep, it didn't feel like it. It felt like passing out, not like resting. Maybe that's why he was still quite miserable when he woke up the next morning.

He needed a second to orient himself. He wasn't in his cupboard, he was in a bathroom, he ran, he left, he was alone and hungry- Harry tried to get up and winced - and he was injured.

Harry needed a plan. His inner Hermione was back. Hedwig screeched in her cage and Harry felt a little bad for locking her up with him in this place.

In his head he went through the list of people he could ask for help again. Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore Sirius and- and then Harry thought of Lupin. Of the telephone number he gave him, the one that Harry stared at so often in the last few weeks that he knew it by heart now.

He trusted Lupin, more than he trusted Dumbledore right now. And he was an adult and a friend of his parents, making him Harry's best option. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I kinda dropped off the face of the earth... Sorry... But I didn't give up on this fic so, I hope you're still interested!

Remus had the foresight to not apparate straight into kings cross because that would set the trace off so the two landed a few blocks away and practically sprinted the rest of the way. 

"Did he say where he'll be waiting?", Sirius asked, his eyes scanning the crowd for a raven-haired boy. He couldn't ignore the pounding of his heart. He was about to see Harry, finally after weeks and weeks of radio silence. 

"No, just that he's using one of the phone booths.", Remus replied as they hectically moved through the masses of people. 

It took a couple of minutes but finally they spotted the boy leaned against a wall next to a phone booth. 

Sirius was taken aback for a second. Even from afar he could tell that something was very wrong with Harry. The wall seemed to be the only thing holding him up, he was much thinner than the last time Sirius saw him, which was concerning because Harry had already been on the skinnier side, and the closer they got the more Sirius could see that there was a harsh bruise blooming above his brow. _Those motherfuckers._

Harry's body slumped with relief once he spotted them even though he gave Sirius a weary glance. So he didn't expect Sirius to show up. Of course he didn't, why would he even expect that. He didn't call Sirius, nevermind that Sirius didn't have a telephone, but he didn't write either. Oh god, Sirius probably shouldn't have come-

"Thank you for coming." Harry's voice cut through the noise of Sirius' thoughts as he approached them. He wore a tired smile and only flinched a little when Remus pulled him into a sudden hug. Remus didn't seem to notice that, though.

"Of course, Harry. What- what happened to your face, why did you-", Remus stammered but the boy was shaking his head before slightly swaying. 

"Can we just go... Please...?", He pleaded before rubbing at his eyes with the balls of his hands. He looked exhausted, like he was about to pass out any second. Sirius took a closer look at his disheveled and dirty clothes and wondered if he had slept in the bathroom. 

"Yes, of course. But we'll have to talk about this later. ", Remus stated and Harry nodded along mechanically. Sirius got the feeling that Harry wasn't entirely there anymore, which was terrifying. 

He went to pick up his suitcase and the cage where his bird was in but Remus and Sirius were quicker, carrying his things for him. Harry just stared at them for a moment before shrugging slightly and letting them lead him outside. 

They took a cab back to Remus' place. Once they got there Remus started to make pasta while Sirius tried to help even though he wasn't all that good at cooking, especially without magic.

Harry just sat at the dinner table, staring ahead blankly, not saying a word. He seemed to have checked out completely, like he was on autopilot. His body was only going through the motions.

Sirius knew that it concerned Remus just as much as it did him. Sure, Sirius had only met Harry once but he was pretty sure that it was unlike him to behave like this. The Harry he met head been righteous and bold. He seemed like a completely different person.

He ate the food they gave him, his movements mechanical, and when Remus asked if he'd like to lay down and sleep for a while he nodded. 

Remus showed him the way to his bedroom while Sirius waited in the kitchen, trying to calm down his racing mind. 

His fears had turned out true, the Dursleys were abusing Harry and Dumbledore was doing jack shit about it. A part of Sirius had hoped that Harry was different, that his special position would warrant preferential treatment. Apparently not. Apparently Dumbledore still didn't give a shit what happened to his students when he wasn't in charge of their care.

"I think he's asleep now.", Remus commented when he returned to the kitchen, pulling Sirius out of his bitter thoughts.

"Do you still think that I'm projecting?", he asked and he didn't mean for it to come out so sharp but he couldn't help it. As much as he hated it, he had been right. 

"No. Unfortunately not.", Remus sighed, dropping into a seat across from Sirius and burying his face in his hands for a moment. Sirius watched him for a while until he got too impatient.

"And what do we do now?", He asked and he could guess what Remus answer would be but he just didn't want to believe that he'd actually say it.

"We gotta tell Dumbledore that we found him.", Remus shrugged, looking up at Sirius with tired eyes. Even though he wasn't surprised Sirius still couldn't believe it.

"You're kidding.", He said, even though he knew that Remus wasn't.

"Sirius. He's missing, neither of us have custody or even visitation rights. We're basically kidnapping him. We can't keep this from Dumbledore, we need to tell him.", Remus argued and Sirius hated this tone that he was using, like Sirius was being unreasonable.

"So that he can send him back to these goddamn muggles?! Have you seen what they did to him?", He snapped but Remus didn't back down. He was never impressed with Sirius' fits of rage. 

He just stared back at him calmly, waiting for Sirius to be finished. Then he said:"Dumbledore wouldn't do that-"

But Sirius wouldn't let him finish that sentence. Suddenly he was up on his feet and bent over the table, getting into Remus' face now. "He put him into that family in the first place!", Sirius pointed out.

"Yes, but surely he didn't know-", Remus went on and Sirius couldn't believe how naïve he still was when it came to Dumbledore. After all these years nothing has fucking changed.

"Of course you'd think that.", Sirius snarled and he didn't attempt to hide his bitterness. 

"What's that supposed to mean?", Remus asked, pulling a face. And finally his voice had a bit of an edge, too. He was getting riled up.

"I know Dumbledore was good to you, he gave you a chance, yada yada, but you gotta understand that not all of us had such lucky experiences. ", Sirius spat and Remus had the audacity to roll with his eyes.

"If this is about Askaban-", he started but Sirius wouldn't let him finish.

"It's not about fucking Askaban!", He all but screamed at Remus. " It's about 16 year old me, begging him to not send me home over summer and him saying no!"

"That- that was the summer you ran away.", Remus realized, his face falling. The summer Sirius knew that his parents would be furious when he returned home. The summer he barely ate and rarely left the room in fear of getting hexed, beaten or worse. The summer he showed up in James' backyard, bloody, screaming and out of his mind. _Yeah. That summer. _

"No shit.", He spoke through gritted teeth. This was ripping open wounds Sirius had forced to forget about long ago. He had ignored it which was probably a mistake, because now they were nowhere near healed.

"But he's Harry Potter, there's no way in hell Dumbledore would keep him in an abusive environment on purpose. ", Remus still argued for the old man.

"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't surprise me if Harry asked for help and Dumbledore ignored him.", Sirius replied and he didn't care if he was just projecting again, no way in hell he'd let Harry fall back into the hands of these muggles.

"Are you going to tell him?", A faint voice suddenly asked and Sirius and Remus both turned around to find Harry standing in the doorway. Sirius wondered why he hadn't changed into more comfortable clothes. He was still wearing the same clothes that they had found him in but now there were mysterious stains on them.

"Harry, why are you up, we thought you went to sleep.", Remus asked, his voice much softer now. 

"I- I'm sorry, the food was a bit much, I- puked on the bed- and myself- and I didn't know what to do- sorry-", Harry rambled, glueing his eyes to the ground. 

"Hey, it's all good- you don't need to apologize. It's not your fault.", Sirius rushed to reassure him. Harry just shrugged uncomfortably before brushing this hands through his hair.

"Can I take a shower?",he then asked nervously 

"Sure, Sirius, can you show him the bathroom, I'll clean up the bed.", Remus asked, looking to Sirius who nodded in agreement.

"Come on kid.", Sirius said, leading Harry to the bathroom. Once they got there Sirius took one look at Remus' shower and had no idea how to control the heat or how much water came out of it. 

"I hope you know how that thing works because I don't.", Sirius remarked, turning around to face Harry. But when he did he saw that Harry had taken his shirt off, revealing a collection of brutal looking bruises all along his ribcage. Like someone had been kicking him. Sirius felt his heart sink.

"Harry... Fuck...", Sirius gasped out, taking a step closer but Harry flinched back as if he had tried to hit him.

"Don't-", the boy gasped before catching his breath. He hid his face in his hands, shaking slightly "Shit- Can you just- can you leave me alone please?", He then asked, not looking up at Sirius again.

"Yeah, of course. If you need anything, just call.", Sirius nodded. His mouth felt dry. He wanted to get his wand out and heal him but that would set off the trail. So he didn't, he just left the bathroom, making his way to the bedroom where Remus was currently changing the sheets.

"He didn't used to be like this, right?", Sirius asked, leaning against the doorframe."I mean, I only met him once but he wasn't timid, he was bold and reckless, he wasn't-", his voice trailed off. Remus looked up at him and nodded along.

" Yeah, I know what you mean. Either this is a very recent problem or he was really good at hiding it.",Remus sighed once he was done. 

"Let's fucking hope that it's recent.", Sirius mumbled under his breath as he went over to Harry's suitcase. He opened it and picked out the first shirt and sweatpants he could get his hands on an made his way back to the bathroom. 

He knocked against the door before yelling:" Harry! I left you clothes outside the door!". He hoped that the boy heard him over the sound of the water but he also didn't want to go inside and disrespect Harry's privacy. So he put the clothes down in front of the door and returned to the kitchen where he and Remus waited for Harry to be done.

Once he was he came to the kitchen, dressed in the clothes Sirius had left it for him. He looked slightly better but still incredibly miserable. 

"Hey, do you feel better?", Remus asked gently.

"Yeah, thanks.", Harry replied, nodding slowly. Otherwise he didn't move. He just stood there, hands buried in the pockets of his sweats, eyes cast down.

"You should go back to bed now and rest some more ", Sirius suggested carefully. Harry finally lifted his head, looking up at them, his eyes sharper that Sirius had expected.

"Are you going to tell Dumbledore that I'm here?",he then asked, narrowing his eyes at the both of them.

"Harry, you don't need to worry about this now.", Remus quickly stated even though Sirius wasn't sure if that was entirely true. After all, him and Remus hadn't yet settled on the next course of action. And Harry seemed to know this as well. He didn't make a move and he didn't seem to plan on doing so as long as they didn't make him a promise.

"Okay, we won't do anything while you're asleep. I promise. Just go to sleep and we'll talk about what we'll do next once you're awake again.", Remus diversify gave in.

Harry watched them for a moment longer before letting out a sigh. "Fine.", He mumbled before turning around and returning to the bedroom. 

Sirius and Remus watched him leave until they heard the bedroom door close. Then Sirius looked to Remus and found that Remus was already looking at him.

"Are you staying, too?", He asked and Sirius' heart skipped a beat.

"If you'll have me.", Sirius returned.

"Of course."


End file.
